“sad hours seem so long”….(shakespeare)

i always believed she was protected, that they all are. i call upon the angels to protect my three so often…not enough. where were they on that night that the black descended upon her?

“mom, i was raped.”

how can there be dead silence and screaming in my head at the same time? how can i know what to say and in what way?

wait, she is telling me something. where? her best friends place. when? three years ago. oh my god she was just 14. why couldn’t you? and have my family killed? how come you didn’t? i had bruises i couldn’t come home right away. who? a friend of the mothers. they were all on crack. everyone asleep, could not wake up anyone.

my head cannot get the word bruises out of the background of anything else that is being said and anything else that is being imagined.

bruises, bruises, bruises!

 

 

i feel numb

i made it to work, i am smiling my usual smile, yet i am moving as if in some weird space between last night and now here. maybe last night was just a dream, oh god please make it a dream.

keep smiling, walk these halls get lost in the shuffle of 3800 feet passing by. i want to save her, i want to know more…no the images are too much to handle. just get my body to where it is supposed to be, there will be comfort in getting busy with work.

i always believed she was protected, those guardian angels i always call upon. where were they that night? did i forget?

it was three years ago she said through her red motled tear stained eyes, her chest a blob of hot red splotches. what was three years ago, i think my ears just went into shock, i want to hit the back button, no forward, no back, no delete, delete, delete.